her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
