is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
