If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
