He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
