3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
