oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
