Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
