i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
