I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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