I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
