Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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