Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
