Betty ford says i'm here all night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
