is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
