he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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