I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
