this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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