Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
