I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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