dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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