thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
