I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
