Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i believe in u and ur pee
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
