Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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