No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
