the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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