Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
