It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
