Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
