I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
