he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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