i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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