why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
