nut hugger
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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