I met the friendliest cop last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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