He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
