She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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