I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
