I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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