I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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