The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
