I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
