he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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