did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
