What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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