Who wears a wallet chain?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
