Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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