my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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