The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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