We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
