Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We got so high we made milksteak
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
